Every day we demonstrate the power of saying yes and no to ourselves about our own use of language. Speaking is a series of consequential decisions about what to say and how and when to express it. By saying no to some of our language (i.e., by not speaking it), we are freer to say yes to God’s Word — and then to communicate the Word to others by how we live as well as by what we literally say (Quentin Schultze, An Essential Guide to Public Speaking, 30-31).

This is applicable in public speaking, certainly. But even more so person-to-person, namely, within a marriage. Speech is powerful and reality-defining. The tongue is a fierce and mighty thing, and a husband and wife must always be discerning what to say and how and when to express it.

Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart: so shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man. Proverbs 3:3-4

Husbands and wives must demonstrate the power of saying yes and no to their selves with their use of language. The demands of a biblical marriage calls each spouse to be other-centered; it is not concerned with one’s own feelings or thoughts of how one’s spouse needs to make them feel, e.g., the wedding vows:

Psalm 119:76, Let, I pray thee, thy merciful kindness be for my comfort, according to thy word unto thy servant.

“My wife says Pinterest exists to help guilt-ridden mothers feel guiltier by offering a million ways to be a more perfect mother than you could ever possibly hope to be. And then she still uses it. At Christmas” (Jake Mentzel in The Warhorn, Vol. 1, Issue 4).

“God’s lordship is a deeply personal and practical concept. God is not a vague abstract principle or force but a living person who fellowships with His people. He is the living and true God, as opposed to all the deaf and dumb idols of the world. Knowledge of Him, therefore, is also a person-to-person knowledge. God’s presence is not something that we discover through refined theoretical intelligence. Rather, God is unavoidably close to His creation. We are involved with Him all the time” (John Frame, The Doctrine of the Knowledge of God, 17).

INTRODUCTION

Chapter 1:

This is a call for breaking a “spiritual sweat” for the sake of Spiritual Discipline, i.e., 1 Tim. 4:7 — “Train yourself to be godly.” Connotes casting off all that is getting in the way of godliness; disciplining yourself so you are unencumbered.

Men, we will never get anywhere spiritual without a conscious divestment of the things that are holding us back. What things are weighing you down? The call to discipline demands that you throw it off. Are you man enough? (p. 14)

 We must check our motives for spiritual discipline.

For many, spiritual discipline means putting oneself back under the Law with a series of Draconian rules which no one can live up to — and which spawn frustration and spiritual death. But nothing could be farther from the truth if you understand what discipline and legalism are. The difference is one of motivation: legalism is self-centered; discipline is God-centered. The legalistic heart says, “I will do this thing to gain merit with God.” The disciplined heart says, “I will do this thing because I love God and want to please Him.” There is an infinite difference between the motivation of legalism and discipline! (p. 15)  

 Section 1 – “RELATIONSHIPS”

Author brings up the most important areas for which a man needs to be disciplined, i.e., personal purity, marital faithfulness/discipline, fatherhood, etc. The author does not skirt around the important issues but brings them up right away and addresses them head-on.

Chapter 2 – Disciplines of Purity

The story of King David’s sexual sin with Bathsheba, and his subsequent breaking of all the rest of the 10 Commandments, is a sober reminder that no one is above temptation (2 Samuel 11). Be humble and never let your guard down. Beware of “rationalization”.

Just when we think we are the safest, when we feel no need to keep our guard up, to work on our inner integrity, to discipline ourselves for godliness — temptation will come! (p. 24) 

 Chapter 3 – Disciplines of Marriage

Break a spiritual sweat and discipline yourself in marital faithfulness. Also, do not take your wife for granted. Marital love ought to be a sanctifying love, a love that is efficacious. A benchmark for godly disciplines within marriage:

Is my wife more like Christ because she is married to me? or she like Christ in spite of me? (p. 38)

 Men need to strive for excellence in the discipline of communication in their marriages. Husbands need to be disciplined listeners.

The stereotype is the husband buried in the morning newspaper at breakfast, preferring to read a news agency report of the latest scandal in a European government, the scores of yesterday’s athletic contests, and the opinions of columnists whom he will never meet rather than listen to the voice of the person who has just shared his bed, poured his coffee, and fried his eggs, even though listening to that live voice promises love and hope, emotional depth and intellectual exploration far in excess of what he can gather informationally from The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and The Christian Science Monitor put together [Quotation from Eugene Peterson’s Working the Angles](p.41).

 Chapter 4 – Disciplines of Fatherhood

We must discipline ourselves so that our hearts are turned towards our children. Scripture demands that we not exasperate our children, therefore, we must put on the discipline of “tenderness.” Being “busy” is not the same thing as being disciplined. This truth especially applicable to fatherhood.

Men, time is the chrysalis of eternity — there is no other time but the present. I realize we all go through periods in our lives when we have little time for our families — it is part of the natural rhythm of life. But excessive “busyness” must not be by choice — as it so often is! We must beware of packing our schedules by saying “yes” to things which mean “no” to our families. Now is the time to take time. There is no other! Will you do it? (p. 54)

 Chapter 5 – Disciplines of Friendship

Jesus Christ is the chief example for the discipline of friendship — Christ’s example teaches us that Christian friendship is efficacious, it elevates others.

The deepest of friendships have in common this desire to make the other person royalty. They work for and rejoice in the other’s elevation and achievements. There are no hooks in such friendships, no desire to manipulate or control, no jealousy or exclusiveness — simply a desire for the best for the other” (p. 62).

No matter what our disposition, we need to work at friendliness. We need to be consciously cheerful. We need to ask questions. We need to place ourselves in situations where friendships happen. . . . Men, we must place ourselves in the ways of friendship: an adult Sunday school class, a home Bible study, a men’s Bible study, a men’s breakfast group, men’s retreats, and, especially, a service in some ministry of the church. Women are so much better at this than men. We must learn from them to take the initiative (p. 65).

Words are powerful and words are reality-defining. Therefore, as J. C. Ryle said, “Be wise in your youth. Write the word “poison” on all earthly pleasures” (Thoughts for Young Men, 29).

Peter Leithart’s recent musings on sola scriptura. His concluding thought:

To open the Bible is to gather the wisest council of advisors: Moses and Samuel, David and Solomon and the Chronicler, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Daniel, Hosea, Ezekiel, Matthew, Mark, Luke, Jesus, Paul, James and Jude and John. I’ll put that up against any list of theologians you’d care to compile.

“Contempt of holy things is the straight road to hell” (J. C. Ryle, Thoughts for Young Men, 36).

“Remember, again, if you cling to earthly pleasures, they will all be unsatisfying, empty, and pointless. . . . All that glitters is not gold. All that tastes sweet is not good. All that please for a while is not real pleasure” (J. C. Ryle, Thoughts for Young Men, 29).

“Redemptive-historical preaching aims at discerning God’s nature in terms of God’s action. God reveals who he is not chiefly by propositions but by reported action” (Michael Horton, A Better Way: Rediscovering the Drama of God-Centered Worship, 88).

We worship and serve the living God. The God of action has chosen to self-disclose himself through divine revelation.