To know the limitations of a wife’s obedience, and the manner how she ought to yield submission to her husband, two things must be considered, both the position of the husband and the position of the wife.

The husband’s position is noted in this phrase, “as unto the Lord” (Eph. 5:22) . . .

The wife’s position is implied in these words, “as the church is subject unto Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands” (v. 23) . . .

From the position of a husband, I deduce this general principle concerning a wife’s submission, that submission must be yielded to the husband as to Christ. Two conclusions will follow, one negative, which is the wife must yield no submission to her husband than what may stand with her submission to Christ.

The former is a necessary condition required of all subordinates in their submission, and obedience much more in a wife’s submission to her husband, because of all persons of different rank there is the least difference between husbands and wives.

Hence, for our present purpose, I deduce these two other more particular conclusions, the first of which is this, if God plainly commands the wife any duty, and her husband will not by any means give consent, but forbids her, she may and ought to do it without, or against his consent.

The other particular conclusion is this, that if a husband require his wife to do that which God has forbidden she should not do it.

Two cautions are to be observed about this point. First, that she be sure (being truly informed by God’s Word) that that which she refuses to do at her husband’s command is forbidden by God. Secondly, that she first labors with all meekness and by all good means that she can to persuade her husband to stop urging and pressing that upon her which with a good conscience she cannot do.

William Gouge, Building a Godly Home: A Holy Vision for a Happy Marriage, 156-157.