Most husbands are eager enough to reprove, but few do it in meekness and moderation. They cannot do it but in company, not without bitter words . . . This being the preposterous practice of many husbands, is it any wonder that ordinarily so little good, and so much hurt is done by reproving? No, would it not be a wonder, if any good and no hurt should be done by it? This therefore, though it is a duty, it is a duty to be used rarely and with great moderation.

William Gouge, Building a Godly Home: A Holy Vision for a Happy Marriage, 223-224.

Strong emotions raise a dark mist before the eyes of reason, which, while it remains, keeps reason from giving any good direction. Rage is as a fire, and it so inflames a man, and makes him feverish, that in his disorder he can keep to no standards.

William Gouge, Building a Godly Home: A Holy Vision for a Happy Marriage, 221-222.

Again, it being a sign of respect in a wife humbly to make known her desire to her husband, he ought to show so much courtesy as willingly to grant her desire . . . Much more ought a man to do his wife’s request than any other’s, whether friend, child, or parent. Much more free, eager, and cheerful should he be to show himself in granting his wife’s request than any other’s, assuming that her desire be of that which may lawfully be granted.

William Gouge, Building a Godly Home: A Holy Vision for a Happy Marriage, 199-200.

A husband’s affection to his wife cannot be too great if it is kept within the bounds of honesty, sobriety, and propriety . . . Read the Song of Songs, and in it you shall observe such affection manifested by Christ to His spouse, as would make one think He did (with reverence in a holy manner to use the phrase) even err in His love and dote on her. This is a good pattern and example for husbands, for nothing is more lovely than a good wife.

William Gouge, Building a Godly Home: A Holy Vision for a Happy Marriage, 194.

If any man says he loves God and hates his wife, he is a liar. Let husbands therefore by loving their wives give evidence that they love God.

William Gouge, Building a Godly Home: A Holy Vision for a Happy Marriage, 184.

Whoever therefore takes a wife, must, in this respect that she is his wife, love her . . .

Many good reasons for this may be given.

1. Because no duty on the husband’s part can be rightly performed except it be seasoned with love . . .

2. Because of all persons on earth a wife is the most proper object of love . . .

3. Because of his high position . . . To keep him from abusing his authority, love is so much pressed upon him.

4. . . . if love is not ruling in the husband, there is likely to be but little peace between husband and wife. Love covers a multitude of imperfections.

5. Because as Christ by showing first His love stirs up the church to love Him, so a husband by loving his wife should stir up her to love him in return . . .

Because wives are the most important and greatest responsibility of husbands, so their most vigorous and greatest care must be for them . . . Husbands are most of all bound to love, and bound to love their wives most of all . . .

As salt must be first and last upon the table, and eaten with every bit of meat, so must love be first in a husband’s heart, and last out of it, and mixed with everything in which he has to do with his wife.

William Gouge, Building a Godly Home: A Holy Vision for a Happy Marriage, 181-183.

Humility is that grace that keeps one from thinking highly of himself above that which is proper, and regarding that low view which he has of himself makes him think reverently and highly of others.

William Gouge, Building a Godly Home: A Holy Vision for a Happy Marriage, 160.

To know the limitations of a wife’s obedience, and the manner how she ought to yield submission to her husband, two things must be considered, both the position of the husband and the position of the wife.

The husband’s position is noted in this phrase, “as unto the Lord” (Eph. 5:22) . . .

The wife’s position is implied in these words, “as the church is subject unto Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands” (v. 23) . . .

From the position of a husband, I deduce this general principle concerning a wife’s submission, that submission must be yielded to the husband as to Christ. Two conclusions will follow, one negative, which is the wife must yield no submission to her husband than what may stand with her submission to Christ.

The former is a necessary condition required of all subordinates in their submission, and obedience much more in a wife’s submission to her husband, because of all persons of different rank there is the least difference between husbands and wives.

Hence, for our present purpose, I deduce these two other more particular conclusions, the first of which is this, if God plainly commands the wife any duty, and her husband will not by any means give consent, but forbids her, she may and ought to do it without, or against his consent.

The other particular conclusion is this, that if a husband require his wife to do that which God has forbidden she should not do it.

Two cautions are to be observed about this point. First, that she be sure (being truly informed by God’s Word) that that which she refuses to do at her husband’s command is forbidden by God. Secondly, that she first labors with all meekness and by all good means that she can to persuade her husband to stop urging and pressing that upon her which with a good conscience she cannot do.

William Gouge, Building a Godly Home: A Holy Vision for a Happy Marriage, 156-157.

Contentment is also a part of obedience. It covers a man’s outward estate and ability, in and with which a wife must rest satisfied and contended, whether it be high or low, great or ordinary, wealthy or needy, and above, equal, or under that estate in which she was before marriage . . .

A wife’s contentment is a great comfort to her husband lying under a cross, and it makes the burden seem much lighter than otherwise it would, if at least he is a kind husband, and affected with his wife’s feelings, as he ought to be. For a loving husband in every distress is more perplexed for his wife than for himself.

William Gouge, Building a Godly Home: A Holy Vision for a Happy Marriage, 152-153.

The first is, that a wife ought to be willing to dwell where her husband will have her dwell. The wives of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob manifested their wife-like obedience here . . .

These examples further show that if a husband has good reason to move from one country to another, or from place to place, his wife ought to yield to go with him . . .

Against this is the mind and practice of many wives, who being affected and addicted to one place more than another, such as the place where they were brought up, where most of their best friends dwell, refuse to go and dwell where their husband’s calling lies, though he requires and desires them never so much. Thus many husbands are forced to their great damage for the sake of peace to yield to their wives, either to relinquishing their calling or to have two houses . . . Some wives pretend that they cannot endure the smoke of the city, others that they cannot endure the air of the country. Indeed their own wills and conceit stuffs them more than either city smoke or country air.

William Gouge, Building a Godly Home: A Holy Vision for a Happy Marriage, 145-146.